My best friend

I received a very touching email on FACEBOOK the other day. This was the first part of a very VERY lonnnng (but flattering note). I'd like to share it with you...


"Hi Ashley,

I just read your blog on Fate. I was a bit confused at first because I look at you (though I don't KNOW you), and I see perfection. I would assume that you have everything that you wanted in life. From your pics you come across as a very happy, popular, and confident individual. I can see from your modeling pics that you are a go-getter, hard-working, determined/driven, and successful. I wouldn't guess that something was missing in the picture. Of course, I'm looking from the outside and people should never assume things..." etc etc etc. "

She's absolutely right!! You should NEVER assume things!! The rest of the email continued on. The young lady who wrote the email shared some very touching, and personal stories about her life. She opened up about various topics which both shocked and flattered me. After reading the email in its entirety, I asked myself "Why me?" Why did this lady think that I was any better off than her?

She writes:
"I've been my worst enemy for years, I just wish I could be my best friend..."

Then it dawned on me. The reason why I am a little better off that the writer is because I AM MY BEST FRIEND! I really and truly mean that. It took a very VERY VERY long time for me to accept myself as I am but when I finally did, I fell in love....with me!! Ain't that some shyt!! lol!

As some of you know, a few years ago I was in a very serious relationship. The man was the love of my life. He was my whole world. I thought were were going to spend the rest of our days together. To make a long story short, we broke up. The reason why...I will explain another time in another blog. For now I want to explain you what happened after the breakup. I, Ashley Taylor, figured out who Ashley Taylor was. I stopped being the person that people thought I should be and started being the person I was, buried underneath all the "Internet fame." (ugh..i feel so wack even SAYING that!!!) I begin my "soul searching journey" and boy, did I EVER find my soul!! I can proudly say I know myself better now than I ever would have had I stayed in my relationship. I needed that time to just be me.

The email I shared with you shows that people look at me and think that just because I look happy in my pictures, that my life is "perfect." FAR FROM!! Let me tell you!! Indeed, I have been very blessed. I have a great family, fantastic siblings and parents that will bend over backwards for me. I have great friends who are there for me at the drop of a dime. My job is amazing. I live in a beautiful city and I have opportunities that others would kill for. I am healthy and strong and have a wonderful relationship with God. Yes, I am blessed. Does that mean my life is perfect??? The name of my blog is quite misleading. I do get what I want, true story. However, I have had to shed a lot of blood, sweat and tears, to get to where I am today...content. I am content. I am happy. I no longer care about other people's opinions about me. I am who I am. Love me or hate me. I no longer worry about pleasing everybody and their mother. This is my new outlook on life. I was never like this before. I have come a lonnnng way ladies and gentlemen!!

I used to be super shy, super self conscious and needed people to tell me I was pretty, smart, funny, likable....blah blah blah!!! I HATED attention (i still do). I hated the thought of anyone not liking me and went out of my way to be perfect. Guess what? I'M NOT PERFECT!!! (Surprised?? I know!! Kidding!!)
I remember staring at myself for hours in the mirror wishing I had smaller feet, wider eyes, narrower shoulders, thicker legs....longer toe nails, pointier ears, a more chisled jawline....YOU NAME IT, I WANTED IT!!!

I remember being in situations where something funny would happen and all I wanted to do was make a joke out loud. But I didn't know if it would be "socially acceptable" so instead I kept it in.

I remember being on sets of photo/video shoot and being told to basically sit there, shut up and look pretty. I remember thinking to myself "How can I sit still when I wanna jump up and interview that guy over there? How can I shut up when I have so much to say about the lighting on this set? How can I look pretty if I don't FEEL pretty in this piece of cloth that's barely covering my nipples??" So I stood up, packed my stuff, got in a cab and never turned back. I am not Extasy Angel. I am Ashley Taylor. I am not a local Internet celebrity. I am a real person. I have thoughts, I have feelings. My life is not perfect, but it's perfect for me. Don't believe the hype!! I have sat at a tables with some of the most beautiful and successful people in the industry...models, rappers, directors, mangers, DJ's...
The ones that I admire the most are the ones I feel know who they are. The are the ones that inspired me to find out who I was.

There is nothing wrong with spending time with yourself. Ask yourself questions and find the answers from within. "I know I like sushi but WHY do i like sushi? I know I feel happy when I am with him/her but WHAT about him/her makes me happy? I know it hurts when I think about such and such, but WHY does it hurt and WHEN did it start hurting? HOW am I going to stop it from hurting?"

This is the best advice I can possibly give to anyone! It works! It's not easy but it's so necessary. Look to nobody but yourself for answers. They're all within....even when you don't want to believe that they are. When you think you you can't find them, look a little deeper. I promise you, there are there.


xoxoxo

Ashley Taylor