Lions and Tigers and Bears!

Oh my!! Big tune!! Miss Jazmine Sullivan came correct on this one. Her voice is so unique, as is this song. Enjoy!!

My best friend

I received a very touching email on FACEBOOK the other day. This was the first part of a very VERY lonnnng (but flattering note). I'd like to share it with you...


"Hi Ashley,

I just read your blog on Fate. I was a bit confused at first because I look at you (though I don't KNOW you), and I see perfection. I would assume that you have everything that you wanted in life. From your pics you come across as a very happy, popular, and confident individual. I can see from your modeling pics that you are a go-getter, hard-working, determined/driven, and successful. I wouldn't guess that something was missing in the picture. Of course, I'm looking from the outside and people should never assume things..." etc etc etc. "

She's absolutely right!! You should NEVER assume things!! The rest of the email continued on. The young lady who wrote the email shared some very touching, and personal stories about her life. She opened up about various topics which both shocked and flattered me. After reading the email in its entirety, I asked myself "Why me?" Why did this lady think that I was any better off than her?

She writes:
"I've been my worst enemy for years, I just wish I could be my best friend..."

Then it dawned on me. The reason why I am a little better off that the writer is because I AM MY BEST FRIEND! I really and truly mean that. It took a very VERY VERY long time for me to accept myself as I am but when I finally did, I fell in love....with me!! Ain't that some shyt!! lol!

As some of you know, a few years ago I was in a very serious relationship. The man was the love of my life. He was my whole world. I thought were were going to spend the rest of our days together. To make a long story short, we broke up. The reason why...I will explain another time in another blog. For now I want to explain you what happened after the breakup. I, Ashley Taylor, figured out who Ashley Taylor was. I stopped being the person that people thought I should be and started being the person I was, buried underneath all the "Internet fame." (ugh..i feel so wack even SAYING that!!!) I begin my "soul searching journey" and boy, did I EVER find my soul!! I can proudly say I know myself better now than I ever would have had I stayed in my relationship. I needed that time to just be me.

The email I shared with you shows that people look at me and think that just because I look happy in my pictures, that my life is "perfect." FAR FROM!! Let me tell you!! Indeed, I have been very blessed. I have a great family, fantastic siblings and parents that will bend over backwards for me. I have great friends who are there for me at the drop of a dime. My job is amazing. I live in a beautiful city and I have opportunities that others would kill for. I am healthy and strong and have a wonderful relationship with God. Yes, I am blessed. Does that mean my life is perfect??? The name of my blog is quite misleading. I do get what I want, true story. However, I have had to shed a lot of blood, sweat and tears, to get to where I am today...content. I am content. I am happy. I no longer care about other people's opinions about me. I am who I am. Love me or hate me. I no longer worry about pleasing everybody and their mother. This is my new outlook on life. I was never like this before. I have come a lonnnng way ladies and gentlemen!!

I used to be super shy, super self conscious and needed people to tell me I was pretty, smart, funny, likable....blah blah blah!!! I HATED attention (i still do). I hated the thought of anyone not liking me and went out of my way to be perfect. Guess what? I'M NOT PERFECT!!! (Surprised?? I know!! Kidding!!)
I remember staring at myself for hours in the mirror wishing I had smaller feet, wider eyes, narrower shoulders, thicker legs....longer toe nails, pointier ears, a more chisled jawline....YOU NAME IT, I WANTED IT!!!

I remember being in situations where something funny would happen and all I wanted to do was make a joke out loud. But I didn't know if it would be "socially acceptable" so instead I kept it in.

I remember being on sets of photo/video shoot and being told to basically sit there, shut up and look pretty. I remember thinking to myself "How can I sit still when I wanna jump up and interview that guy over there? How can I shut up when I have so much to say about the lighting on this set? How can I look pretty if I don't FEEL pretty in this piece of cloth that's barely covering my nipples??" So I stood up, packed my stuff, got in a cab and never turned back. I am not Extasy Angel. I am Ashley Taylor. I am not a local Internet celebrity. I am a real person. I have thoughts, I have feelings. My life is not perfect, but it's perfect for me. Don't believe the hype!! I have sat at a tables with some of the most beautiful and successful people in the industry...models, rappers, directors, mangers, DJ's...
The ones that I admire the most are the ones I feel know who they are. The are the ones that inspired me to find out who I was.

There is nothing wrong with spending time with yourself. Ask yourself questions and find the answers from within. "I know I like sushi but WHY do i like sushi? I know I feel happy when I am with him/her but WHAT about him/her makes me happy? I know it hurts when I think about such and such, but WHY does it hurt and WHEN did it start hurting? HOW am I going to stop it from hurting?"

This is the best advice I can possibly give to anyone! It works! It's not easy but it's so necessary. Look to nobody but yourself for answers. They're all within....even when you don't want to believe that they are. When you think you you can't find them, look a little deeper. I promise you, there are there.


xoxoxo

Ashley Taylor

S.A.G CHRISTMAS PARTY

SOoooo last Saturday, was the night of the biggest event I've put in in my career thus far. It was the first annual "I'm Dreaming of A Supreme Christmas Event!" (I picked the name myself! I know I'm clever! You don't have to tell me!!) LOL!

Anyways, you might be thinking to yourself, "A Christmas party? What's the big deal?" Well I'll tell you what the big deal is! I tuned a massive car dealership into a beautiful ballroom. And I did a damn good job if i do say so myself!!

Everything was amazing! The food, the live band, the DJ and of course, performances by Erica, the "Sky High Girl" who I've decided has no bones cuz she can contort her perfect little body into non human shapes! I'm jealous....
Overall, the vibe was superb!

Of course, like any of my events, I was too busy running around like a headless chicken to eat, drink or be merry. But I did get to sit at the "executive table" and make a speech. I messed it up a tad bit! I hope nobody noticed! All my closest friends and fam came out which was greatly appreciated. All the love and support I felt throughout the night was overwhelming and I wanna take the time out to thank everyone that came out to celebrate the end of a great year. And although the night didn't end the way I intended, I had a blast!!

P.S: I have to get this part off my chest...it might sound rude but it needs to be said. I hate using the term "hater" but in this case, it's necessary. If you were one of the many haters that attended the party last week, thank you for giving me the motivation and inspiration to run laps around your sorry, worthless groupie little asses. What you should do is stop wasting your time hating and come up with a game plan on how your going to get on my level. Need a ladder???


To the rest of you that showed me nothing but love...here's my love right back at you!! Love you all!!!

Big shoutout to the ENTIRE SUPREME TEAM! This was a group effort and I couldn't do it without the help of each and everyone of you!!!! You guys are amazing!!!
xoxoxxo

The professional pics are coming but in the meantime, here are some candids:

BEFORE:

AFTER:

Broken Hearted Girl

Beautiful song....disgustingly relavant...i wanna cry and puke at the same time...
sorry...i know that's gross. Just listen...

On a brighter note...

I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE YOU TO THE NEWEST MEMBER OF THE TAYLOR FAMILY.....CHLOE!!!

When I was little, I begged and begged and BEGGED for a puppy...I never got one. Kids these days are a lot smarter than we were back in the day. Check this, my little sister decided she wanted a dog, but instead of just ASKING for one, she used the "The Secret" theory and got one! I'm telling you, this girl went out and bought a bowl, a brush, a leash, a collar before we even thought about getting a dog! She would set it all up in the corner of the kitchen as if we already had one. My friends would come over, see all the dog stuff and thought my family was crazy. But guess what bytches??? IT WORKED!!!! She's the sweetest little thing in the world and I lovvvvvvvvvvvvve her!!!!!

Cursed

What do you do when you just CAN'T seem to get something right??

Should you take it as a sign that it's not meant to be, or do you keep working at it until it happens??

When the emotional exhaustion starts to kick in do you put yourself out of misery by accepting defeat or take it as the motivation you need to push harder towards your goal?

When you've come so far from where you originally started that the thought of throwing it all away makes you physically sick...which way do you go? Which path should you chose?

When your heart has lost the ability to heal the cracks...when your eyes can no longer produce another tear...when your body is beaten down from the emotional blows....is it ok to walk away??

Please just let me walk away....

Let's take a closer look...

Ladies and Gentleman... I am an art lover. I love art of all kinds, including music, paintings, drawings, animations, tattoos, etc, etc, etc. Never in my life have a seen such an amazing, thought-provoking piece of artwork like the one that I'm about to share with you. Take a look...

Ahhh yes..."You fucking broke it...." Almost moves u to tears, does it not? Now, let's take closer look, shall we?

As you can see, this picture tells an entire story, quite a typical one at that: Girl meets boy, Girl falls in love, Boy fucks up, Girl gets hurt...

Hmmm...sound familiar? I thought it might!

Now, as you can see the girl is slightly taller than the boy. This tells us one of two things; either the girl is more of a woman than the boy is a man, or simply that she is wearing high heel shoes of some sort. For argument sake, let assume she is a woman dealing with a little boy trapped in a man's body. A likely story..no?

Now, if you look closely, you can, see that the girl has on a pretty dress, with a lovely matching hair bow to compliment her attire. The boy, wears nothing...he is naked. This tells us that although the girl calls the boy to tell him they need to meet up discuss their relationship, in his tiny little pee brain, the only thing that registered was "SEX". And so he comes prepared...

Look closer now...the girl is holding her now broken heart in her hands and thrusting it towards the boy. Chances are, she made several attempts to illustrate the fact that the boy has done something to hurt her feelings. Judging by the dumb ass look on the boy's stupid face, he doesn't quite understand. The girl, probably then tries to explain in simplest possible terms that the boy's actions have caused her to feel uneasy. Once again, the boy doesn't get it. Proof of the boy scratching his head in total and utter confusion can be seen if you look closely at the two little hairs sticking up on the back of his hollow dome.

The girl then, has no choice but to rip out her heart and show the brain dead moron what she's trying to get across. "YOU FUCKING BROKE IT." Notice how his facial expression shows no sign of comprehension. If you zoom in extra close, you will probably be able to see the line of drool dripping from his half open retarded mouth as he struggles to understand why the girl still has her clothing on.

Pablo Picasso couldn't have done it better himself. I have yet to see such a piece of art more on point and accurate than this one. I couldn't let this precious piece of work go unappreciated. I am thrilled to have shared it with all of you.

Thank you,

Goodnight

Heartless...

He says:
"My life is an open book."

She says:
Your cover is torn and stained with my tears...
Your pages are tainted and covered with fingerprints....
Your dedication is to no one but the person they want you to be...
Your introduction speaks only of shallowness and insignificant nothingness...
Your words are smudged and filled with lies and manipulation...
Your story is the coldest ever told...
Your ending is inevitable...
This chapter is now over...

Your book is now closed...

©Ashley Taylor 2008©

I hate this part right here...

Ironically enuf, this song came on while I was on my way home early this morning. It couldn't have possibly played at a more appropriate time. These words are powerful....anyone going thru what I'm going thru will adore this song.


ENJOY!

Frosty the Asshole

Ahhh....winter. The days are shorter, the nights are longer, the snow gently falls on upon ur rooftop, as you sit by the fire sipping hot coco cuddled up next to your handsome beau...you know, the one that you chased all summer but has finally decided to settle down now that it's cold outside. Yeah....him...!!

WHAT THE FUCK IS THE DEAL WITH THAT?????

Wait...before I continue, let me just say that I'm not referring to anyone in particular. It just seems that I've been getting a lot of calls from girlfriends who are now newly hooked up and in "relationships" with men that barely remembered their names a few short months ago.
Hmm...unusual you say? Not at all. This is the time of year that men like to hang up their pimp coats, park their nice whips in the garage, bring out the beaters, and settle down with a nice (and I quote) "Winter ting!"

Now ladies, how do you know if you are his "Winter Ting?"
Allow me...

*If you've seen homeboy more in the past 4 weeks than you did in the 4 summer months....you are a Winter Ting

*If he's only now introducing you to his mother, the same mother you were told lived in Jamaica when you asked to meet her back in the summer...you are a Winter Ting.

*If your dream dates consisting of nice dinners and romantic movies have now been replaced with Friday nights watching him play Halo 3 in his mother's basement...you are a Winter Ting.

*If he feels no way coming to scoop you in a broken down 1987 rust encrusted, winter tire-less, all around jacked up beater that you have to kick with ur Uggs just to be able to open the door to get in, and when eventually you do get in, there's no seat belt so you have to hold onto that little handle thing on the roof of the car that's hanging on for dear life with silver electric tape and he has his Diskman, not even an ipod, hooked up to the cassette player with a connecting wire....you are a Winter Ting.

*If you're being forced to get along with Felicia, his best friend's new "girlfriend" because all of a sudden you're going to spending a lottttt of time with her during your double dates at your man or his best friend's crib....you are a Winter Ting...and so is Felicia. Shhh....!

*If you wake up to him snoring beside you and cash on the bedside table with a note instructing you to call a taxi and text him when you get home to let him know you got in safely.....you are a Winter Ting.


*If he picks a big fight with you the day before Christmas or Valentine's Day and then calls to apologize exactly 2 days after...it means he didn't have a nice way of telling you he didn't wanna buy you a gift. Hence....you are a Winter Ting.

Ok I'm done. I'm just being honest! This wasn't meant to hurt anyone's feelings. I'm sure being a Winter Ting isn't entirely bad! Just make sure that if he's worth it, you do what you gotta do to make sure you're still in the picture when summer rolls around again. Cuz once the snow starts to melt, the predators come out of hibernation, hungry, drooling and looking for fresh meat.

JERKS!!!!!!

LOL!!!

Wait...Let me explain...

I KNOW I KNOW!!! I'm a big slacker! You hate me and ur boycotting my blog! I'm sorry! I've been super super busy lately! I have soooo much going on that I can barely remember to eat much less blow the dust of my laptop and write!! But I'm gonna focus now! I promise!! Yeah yeah....you've heard it all before...


I'm a few days away from throwing a huge holiday party for my workplace. I'm super excited. I've been eating, breathing and sleeping preparations for WEEKS now. It's gonna definitely be a night to remember.

I'm also working on a huge business movement with 2 other very talented Toronto females. We're about to set the city on fire....stay tuned.

2 of my girls just got engaged, one of my boys just had a baby, another one of my girls is leaving for New York...etc. etc. etc ANNNND I haven't even started my Christmas shopping yet! Life in the fast lane can get a little hectic sometimes...but u know what, I love every minute of it.

Ta ta for now!!!

xoxooo

Miss Taylor

And then she got the call...

Ok ok....weirdest shyt in the world!! I am now convinced that my life is a T.V show...soooo...shoutouts to all my viewers at home currently watching me type this blog!! The reason I say this is becuz LITERALLY 0.5 seconds after I finished writing my "fate blog" last night, my phone rang. The person on the other end was a person I have not seen nor have I talked to in quite some time (too much time!) Now, I can't even begin to describe what that means, and really, only my closest of close friends will even understand what I'm talking about right now. For those of u that are totally lost in the sauce as to where I'm going with this story...I REALLY WISH I could break it down for u but I can't!! All I can say is this: If my previous blog didn't convince you about how certain fate is....PLEASE...IF U CAN ONLY EVER DO ONE THING FOR ME...BELIEVE IT NOW!!! Shyt's real!!! Cuz that phone call could not have come at a more perfect time...and now...the plot thickens.....

Crazy little thing called FATE

I would like to share something with you all that I have learned recently. This took a lot of time, tears, pain and stress before my eyes were finally opened to this realization. The realization is this: FATE IS FATE. It's as certain as life itself. No matter how much you try to shape it, change it, or dodge it...whatever's meant to happen, WILL HAPPEN!!! So learn to love it and make the most of it. I have been in a situation for some time now. It's brought out the best and the worst sides of me. One minute the sun is shining the next minute thunder storms are pouring down and lightning is setting my world on fire. To describe it simplest terms, I've been emotionally fucked up!! Here's the worst part....no matter how many times I've tried to change the situation, I find myself being pulled back into like a never ending tornado of bullshit. So I finally decided to take a step back and evaluate the situation from on observer's perspective.

What I realized is that I'm in this steaming pile of cow dung for a reason. I'm meant to be in it. There's something MUCH bigger going on here. I am learning very very important lessons. I am being tested. I am being educated. And yes...even though throughout this mess I have been pushed to my limit to the point of wanting to kill everyone around me (*ahem*) for whatever reason, my fate has decided that this is something I NEED to go through to perhaps deal with bigger and more significant things in my years to come. For that, I am thankful.

When at last I have absorbed all I need to absorb from this situation, I will move on with the knowledge, experience and wisdom that I will gain from going through this. But fuck.....I hope to God that that day comes soon cuz imma bout go ballistic!!! But for now, I'll keep forcing smiles until my face cracks...you know why? Cuz FATE says so!!

Goodmorning!!!!

Ok....So I've been slacking again!!

Sorry guys! I promise this week's blogs will be on time and on point. You have my word.

I'm finally finished school...at least until January. So I'm looking forward to enjoying my nice lonnng break. I have a lot of planning to do. Not just events, but more life planning. I'm 22 years old. I'm not a kid anymore. I've realized that I'm at a point where a lot of the decisions I make at this time, will have an effect on my life 10 years from now. No more fuck ups! I have to get it right. I had a great conversation with my Dad the other day and all he kept reiterating to me was that the only thing I have on my side is time. I'm still young. I have not a second to waste because those are seconds I can never get back.

I'm all about change right now. I'm blessed to have people around me that motivate and inspire me even when others are tying to bring me down. So to all those that have been there for me these last couple of weeks, (which were like hell for me!) thank u so very much! You're efforts did not go unnoticed. Poons Su-Q, Lilo, Tizzy Tiz, I love u all.


HAPPY MONDAY BEEEEITCHES!!!!

XOXOOXOOO