Cause and Cure

Ladies and Gentlemen...when it comes to relationships, the fun NEVER ends, does it?? Noo...'course not!! It wouldn't be exciting without all the screams of anger, punch holes in the wall, cell phone hang ups, cancelled dinner plans and suicide attempts, now WOULD it??

SoooOoo tonight, I bring you yet another case. I'm pretty sure this one's pretty common for both men and women. Let's go..!!

Ok, so you and your significant other are in that "Bliss Stage." You know, the stage where you literally eat, breathe and sleep each other's presence 22 out of 24 hours a day. The stage where you go on those long drives, sit in the car for retarded amounts of time, go home and fall asleep on the phone together, only to wake up and venture out to breakfast with them early the next morning. You start to spend so much time together that, oddly enough you begin to look like each other!! I mean, if you get a zit, they'll get one in the EXACT same place cuz chances are, whatever caused you to get one, is probably the same reason they have one too! You both start walking around with shabby hair and wrinkled clothing cuz in the morning, when you were SUPPOSED to be grooming, you two were too busy starring at each other in mirror talking about what beautiful babies you're gonna have, and you completely neglected to flip your bangs and iron your Apple Bottoms.

Then the time comes where you wake up, wrapped in their arms, and realize that you haven't seen your own family, friends, cell phone (or clothing ) for 5 days straight! It then hits you that your ENTIRE world revolves around this one person, who in your eyes, is the light of your life. It's a good feeling. I mean, I'm all about balance and everything, but it's hard to have anything to do with anything else when you've found your perfect match. Every moment spent with them is precious and cherished. This is called the "Bliss Stage." Eventually, it fades...into deathly darkness...

Fast Forward:

Now you two have become so close and so comfortable with one another, that you can now point out the little things about the other person that irritate the hell out of you. And here my friends, is where the problem begins! After all, we've gotten used to the fact that our hunnie thinks we're perfect! How dare they begin to criticise! So we fight back, and they fight more, and before you f*uckin know it, he's slamming on his brakes in the middle of rush hour traffic, demanding you get the hell out of his car, and your using every ounce of will power you were blessed with to hold yoursef back from burning a hole through his arm with your cigarette!! Not so blissful anymore, is it?!?!? Bahahahahahahahh!!! (*apologizes for evil outburst)

(PS: clearly, I couldn't POSSIBLY be talking about me! I don't smoke!! You know that!! ....)

The plot thickens:

So now you're at a point where you're royally fucked becuz this person has COMPLETE control over your emotions. They decide whether you have a good day, a bad day, and everything in between. Who can you blame, but yourself?? Somewhere down the line (between the romantic dinner dates and the fantastic morning sex) you've handed over all the power in a pretty little gift wrapped package! Oh yes!! You suurrre DID!! And it gets worse! Due to the fact that this person is the center of your universe, now ALLLLLLLL of your problems are becuz of them!!! Your alarm didn't go of and you were late for work all becuz "hunnie" decided to unplug the clock and plug in his cell phone charger! You forgot to call you mother on her birthday becuz "sweetheart" caught the flu and insisted you stay by his bedside all day and attend to his every need! You failed your exam because you and "babykins" stayed up until 5am reaming each other out about the glitter you saw on his face earlier that night, that could have ONLY been put there by a random rubbing her face on his!!

You're a ticking time bomb!!! You're on the verge of insanity!! You need to VENT!! You're anger must be heard! But here's the thing....YOU HAVE NO ONE TO TALK TO!!!!! None of your friends wanna hear it!! Why would they? They have their own problems! Besides, when things were all hunky dory in old love land a few weeks before, you didn't even think to pick up the phone and call a single one of them! Why should they help you now that shit's hit the fan??

Ok...hmmmm...think....there's always Mom!!

Oh wait!! Mom's still pissed at you for missing her birthday and sending her a half assed bouquet of wilted roses 3 days later! She hates you! You know this becuz she told you when you called her to see if she received the roses. Not only that, she thinks you're a disgrace to the family! You know this becuz she sent you a cussing continuation text right after she hung up the phone on you in disgust. (Ps: I'd just like to state once again that I couldn't possibly be referring to myself here!! I love my mommy and would never ever forget her birthday!!)

Ok loser! What do you do now? Your girlfriends want none of it, you Mom's at home, reading "Disowning Your Daughter for Dummies" and your online friends will blog about your shyt before you can even get the full story out. Sooooo, you slowly begin to dial those dreaded 10 digits....

While the phone rings, you try to remind yourself who hung up the phone on who last...

He answers: "....Hello....

You reply: "Hey baby...I'm sorry about the way I acted earlier...I'm just going thru some things and...I really wanna see you...

Not only is "Love Muffin" the cause of your horrendous life, but he's become the cure too!!! Nothing can progress until he makes it better! Remember stupid, he has that power!! In a way, you want him to fix it cuz gosh darnit, you still love the bastard. So you go over, make up (in more ways than one!) and everything's perfect again. That is until the next morning when you sleep in 2 hours late, realize that your alarm clock is unplugged and in it's place is a fully charged Blackberry....

Oh the joys of relationships!!!

PS: THIS HAS NOOOOTHING TO DO WITH MY LIFE!!!! I SWEAR IT!!! IT HAPPENED TO A FRIEND OF A FRIEND OF MINE!! TRUE STORY!! :)