It's been said that men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Two separate planets, two separate lifestyles. Let me illustrate to you the way I envision each one.
Venus: If the planet Earth is round, then Venus is heart shaped, pink, and as soft and fluffy as the bathrobe I'm wearing!! :) The woman of Venus spend their days splashing around in beautiful, sparkling blue fountains, skipping in vast fields of roses and daisies, and drinking virgin cocktails out of glittery crystal glasses. They all wear yellow carnations in their hair and flowy green grass skirts complete with one-size-fits-all coconut bra tops. When it rains, it rains Skittles and the clouds are made of marshmallows. At night time they, eat chocolate chip pancakes for dinner and pineapple and cream for dessert, as they dance around a bonfire singing Mariah Carey's greatest hits. There is no such thing as gossip. There are no such thing as jealousy. Because every woman on Venus looks like they just stepped of the page of a Victoria's Secret catalogue.
Mars: If Venus is heart shaped, then Mars is shaped like skull and crossbones. It's puke green and prickly, like a f*ckin cactus! The men of Mars spend their days gambling their lives away through endless games of dominoes. Every time one of them wins, they insist on banging the shyt out of the domino table causing dominos to fly everywhere, ruining the game for everybody. And the table breaks...so some sucker has to go find a new table so that they can start another game. Can you guess who that poor sucker is? It's the guy who lost the domino game. You know why? Because it's not enough that he has to deal with the embarrassment of losing, but now his wackness has to be put on blast by making him walk away from the game and sending him on the hunt for a new table. As he walks away, everyone points and laughs, forgetting that at any time, they could be that poor sucker. Can I tell you why? Cuz on Mars, EVERYTHING IS A FUCKIN COMPETITION!!!! It's all about who's bigger, better, stronger, faster, smarter...etc. At night, they sit in the pitch black and eat bowls of screws and nails. Then they drink tall glasses of swamp water, and the one that gags first has to wash all the dishes and make up all the beds the next morning. There is no such thing as peace, there is no such thing as equality. Because the mentality is this: In the wise words of Nelly "I am #1, 2 is not a winner and 3, nobody remembers."
For some odd reason, the men of Mars and the women of Venus somehow figured they were compatible. They decided to join forces and move to planet Earth where they could live harmoniously. They tried their best to adapt to each other's customs and new ways of living. Despite their greatest efforts, somehow the men of Mars just couldn't put some of their foolish ways to rest.
Fast forward to present day: The men of Mars STILL can't put some of their foolish ways to rest!! It's embedded in their brains, and there's nothing that woman from Venus (or Earth for that matter) can do about it.
The good news us ladies have 3 options; we can join the convent by become a nun, we can practise lesbianism, or we can be cranky old celibate freaks for the rest of our lives! YAY!! But for those of you that chose to partner up, more power to you!! Wait...I guess that includes me..Shheeit!!
Ok, Let's address a few problems.
Problem #1
Woman are long term thinkers while men are short term. Personally, in all my life, I've only had one real boyfriend. Welll...I guess technically you can say two. One was for almost 4 years, the other was for 6 months. Neither of those were one, or two week flings. Reasons being, I don't do those! If I ever go as far as to call you my "boyfriend" you better believe it's cause you have have certain qualities that I want in a husband, not in a part time friend with benefits! That doesn't necessarily mean I wanna marry the dude, but it definitely means I see more in him that just a temporary thrill.
Men will hook up with a chick and slap the title of "girlfriend" on her just to shut her ass up! They have no regard for what the title actually entails. If the relationship lasts a week, great! If it lasts a month, that's cool too! Who really cares! As long as it's a secured piece of ass, he'll just make the rules as he goes!! Wahhoo!!! (Fuckers!!!)
Problem #2
Women are naturally more secure than men. YES I SAID IT!! It's the damn truth!! For women it's enough knowing that once a man has chosen to "settle down" and get into a relationship with her she can feel secure. The relationship gives her all the confidence she needs to carry on with her everyday life without desiring attention from other men.
MEN on the other hand need more! Oh yes...what a fuckin shocker!! It doesn't matter how beautiful or smart or classy or perfect their girlfriends are, their stupid egos are constantly needing to be stroked. So here's what they do: They approach the skanky looking heifer with the Triple D's at the club, buy her a drink, flirt shamelessly with her, she gives him her number, he puts it in his pocket and walks away with the satisfaction of knowing that he's still got it! This is enough to temporarily feed his ever starving ego.
But guess what you forgot to factor in Mr. Swagg? That big boobed heifer happens to be at the club with her fellow slu bag friend Sandra, who just HAPPENS to work at the SAME place as your girlfriend and just can't WAIT to bait out your scene first thing Monday morning! BUSTED!! And all for what??? DO u really think wifey's gonna empathise with you when you try to explain that you just took Busty Mctits's number for the sake of taking her number? NO!! Cuz that's never where it ends! Somewhere in that crusty, corrupted, brain of yours lies other intentions... bad intentions! And no matter how high pitched your voice gets when you attempt to cover your ass, we see right thru you! We know that you feel its necessary to keep a bunch of randoms around just in case your not getting enough attention at home.
TO BE CONTINUED.....
