Battling Nature

SOooo my puppy got her period today. I'm so upset! She's only 8 months! She pretty much just stepped her little paws onto God's green Earth and already she has to deal with PMS, bloating, cramps, and teeny tiny tampons. This is horrible! The worst part about it is that my mother is a TOTAL germaphobe and is disgusted by the idea of a menstruating puppy under her roof. She won't even go near the poor little pup. So you know what that means? My little Chloe's gonna have to get FIXED!! Now I don't know what the actual process is when a female doggy gets "fixed" but I do know that that shyt doesn't sound like fun! I also know that she'll probably very uncomfortable and in a lot of pain when it's over. It hurts me to know that this poor little helpless creature is going to have to endure such pain just to reverse nature.

I wish I could help her! But I can't. I can't even help myself. You see, I myself am going through something similar to her. I have to go through something extremely painful to reverse nature. Nature drew me to him, nature made me fall madly for him, and due to circumstances beyond my control, I have to endure the painful process to try to reverse the effects of nature...I have to fall out of love. Sometimes I wish there was a procedure for humans where we could go and get "fixed." Maybe have a doctor go inside and alter our hearts so that we no longer feel pain or hurt. Maybe we could pay someone to put together the broken pieces, or seal up the cracks and holes. Or perhaps they could tuck our hearts away a steel box so that no emotions can ever penetrate. Or maybe, they could just remove it all together. I wouldn't mind if they could just take the whole damn thing out. Fuck it! Tina Turner said it best...I quote "Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken."

It's true that a heart can also feel love, happiness, pride, joy, and all that other good stuff. But does any of that matter when u feel defeated, broken and damaged. I think not. I asked myself today, when I have a child in the future, how am going to educate them on how to heal their broken heart? Do I tell them that a broken heart is just like a broken bone? You just try your best to protect it until the time comes for it to heal on it's own. How will they understand when I don't even understand. I don't want to understand. I don't need to understand. All I want to feel is nothing. I just want to be numb.